Capsule

~ keilan

Every word I’ve spoken
Has been an attempt
To let you know I’m broken
I am not exempt

From the tumultuous highs
And lows of our being
Much more always lies
Beneath what you’re seeing

I cut off my hair
To try and express
That I no longer care
Who I really impress

I stopped filming movies
At least for right now
Something new moves me
At least for right now

This city is gorgeous
I can’t get enough
I just want more of this
Real-life-adult stuff

But that isn’t true
I’m still five years old
In all that I do
Still haven’t been told

How to be a grown-up
Don’t think that I want to
I still haven’t blown up
Don’t know if I want to

Still writing my feelings
Down on this blank page
Still coping and dealing
With things I can’t change

Accepting the fact that I’m not the main character
Dreams can be scary, having none is scarier
Envisioned a future, I want to create it
But what if I only need goodness, not greatness?

What if that spark that my teachers saw faded?
What if all I’ve embarked on is null and outdated?
What if the destiny I claimed was fed to me?
What if my ambitions just are not meant to be?

No, if I ignore all that’s been said to me
Strip down my art aesthetically
Look at my identity
Afford myself some levity
Then just like those stories you read to me
Life is beautiful if you let it be

Life is beautiful and dark, just like every human heart
Sometimes we’re held together, yet we still fall apart
I thought I’d beaten anxiety, that war was over
’Til I broke down in Milwaukee last October

I thought I had my life figured out last fall
But I figured out I’ll never have it figured out at all
Embrace the unknownness that comes with existing
Make your helplessness voluntary, stop resisting

Been in love for five years
I cannot believe it
Lost time to some fears
I cannot retrieve it

Missing my old friends
I hope that they hear me
Met some new friends
I love them so dearly

Exposed my ego
Realized I’m not all that
I stopped calling people
Who never call me back

Accepted some thoughts
That once caused me pain
Unlearned things I was taught
That weren’t right for my brain

Been writing more stories
They make me fulfilled
I just want to explore these
Worlds that I’ve built

I just love to imagine
I’ll never stop dreaming
Of things that can’t happen
Through writing and reading

I spoke with an old friend
And told him quite plainly
Let’s not just be old friends
And he didn’t blame me

I’m glad he understands
People tend to lose touch
Time stops for no man
And sometimes it’s too much

Time just keeps passing
I’m still right here
I find myself asking
What did I do this year?

My home changed five times
Didn’t know where I’d go
But I found my tribe
Now I live in Chicago

The world is changing, and everyone knows it
We’re secretly terrified but no one shows it
This planet is shifting, the glaciers are falling
And I just keep writing because it’s my calling

The country is splitting, people are divided
It’s a revolution, they’ll no longer hide it
We’re plagued by ignorance, hidden and known
And all that I’m working on is this poem

Truthfully don’t know if I’ll be remembered
Did Mother Nature get those flowers I sent her?
Did Father Time get my letter of grievance?
Now I speak to the Universe, hope you receive this

Amidst this ocean of stars
We sit on our rock
Patiently waiting to find out our meaning
On this world of ours
We keep checking the clock
Wondering if the gods are convening

These digital landscapes
Are becoming real
And I’m starting to step back and wonder
Is there chance of escape
A place we can still feel
Before real life starts to go under

All I know is this
Massive change nears
When it’s my time to stand, I refuse to fall
But I’m still a kid
Lost within my own years
And to be perfectly honest, aren’t we all?

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